Cowboy Outhouse

Cowboy Outhouse

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ears ago, just outside of a little town in the mountains above Bakersfield, CA., there was a boys camp.  A place for wayward boys with a curriculum of teaching ranching.  Ranching in this case was the riding of horses in the care of cattle.

This story concerns two enterprising young lads that resented the fact that a certain cowboy would spend nearly the entire lunch hour in the outhouse.  Every day!  Others were forced to take care of the call of nature in a more uncomfortable and inconvenient manner out in the bushes somewhere.

They decided the situation needed fixing and took it upon themselves to do so.  They then plotted and planned and finally arrived at a solution:  They spent most of the next morning preparing to fix this problem once and for all.  With their pocket knives, they whittled a hole about an inch in diameter in the rear of the outhouse just above the seat.  They did it so as to look like a knot hole.  The covered it with a piece of rusty can so as to look as if it had been there a while.

They then found a small sturdy branch that would fit through the hole very easily.  On the end of the stick, they carved two tiny and very sharp prongs.

They took an old wind up alarm clock which had the bells on top, and after removing the bells and the hammer, rigged a rattlesnake rattle to the hammer arm.  When let go, it would sound just like a rattlesnake.

They practiced the scenario several times until they could do it without any sound whatsoever. Now all they had to do was tolerate the expanse of time 'til the old cowboy came for his daily visit.

First, they had it fixed up with a couple of the other hands to come up with the tale that they seen a rattlesnake in the near proximity of the outhouse.  With this in mind, the old cowboy headed for the Sears & Roebuck library.  The two lads waited until the rustling had stopped, heard the strike of the kitchen match against the wall of the outhouse, and could smell the smoke from the stogy the old guy preferred.

One held the alarm clock with its rattles, and the other held the stick.  The whole crew had non-chalantly assembled outside the mess hall and just happened to be looking in the general direction of what was happening behind the outhouse.  With the clock alarm wound tight, turned on, and being held securely against movement, they crept around to the rear of the little building.

Then, when they were both in place, the one with the alarm clock let go of the hammer, and it began to shake the rattle just like a snake.  The other lad then shoved the pointed stick through the hole right behind the seat and jabbed pretty hard.

All of a sudden, the door of the outhouse exploded open, and the old cowboy busted out with his pants still down around his ankles, running with everything he could with as large a steps as he could manage.  He was screaming bloody murder at the top of his lungs "Snake!!  Snake!!"

Of course all the cowboys were doubled over a laughing, but a couple of them were able to contain themselves enough to help the poor guy.  He treated his rearend for snakebite for two weeks, but never did go back into that outhouse ever!

No sireee!

George Cavaness

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